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An Obligation to Listen and be Thoughtful

Over the past few weeks there have been a lot of threads, posts and discussions of racism specifically, and various forms of privilege more generally, in the fiber arts and crafts communities, particularly as pertain to Black Indigenous People of Color (BIPOC).

I’ve been thinking a lot about what, if anything to write about it. The “if” was because, frankly, I know my blog is really tiny. But at somepoint, I realized in addition to my obligation to listen, absorb, and think about what BIPOC are saying, I have an obligation to voice some of my thoughts and feelings, especially since I have invested in a platform that lets me say what I want, how I want.

I’m pretty sure I haven’t written anything earth shattering or revolutionary here. But sometimes we need to read or hear the same thing several times several different ways to gain understanding. Hopefully, I’ll add to somebody’s understanding somewhere, even if maybe it’s just my own as a result of putting thoughts into words.

I’m not intimately familiar with everything that happened, since I was only just getting the hang of basic instagram functionality at the time. But I’ve tried to catch up a bit, and what stood out in the responses was some key patterns in how people, particularly white people, responded.

The reponses by many white people to both the initial instagrams and then the subsequent posts from BIPOC  has caused additional rage and anger. I think that BIPOC’s anger, frustration and exhaustion from explaining over and over again how white people’s response were hurtful is justified.

First “I’m color blind, so race doesn’t matter to me”.
Second “The author/I didn’t mean it like that”
Third “Why can’t we all just [insert craft here]?”

The focus of my post is going to be on what I think, as a white person and a member of the craft community, some of my responsibilities are by looking at and discussing what some of the (generalized) responses were. I’m going to use the words “you” and “we” a lot, and here I mean the generalized “you/we, as white people in the craft community.”.

Let’s start with “I’m color blind, so race doesn’t matter to me.”

I would like to challenge you on just how true that statement is: pay attention to things like your reaction when you first meet somebody, assumptions you make about their education, interests, or origins based on name, skin color, accent. When somebody talks about “people”, what color(s) are the individuals in your mental image? I first realized my mind had learned to default to “white” for “people” when reading a book as a teenager. I was well into the book before the author (quite deliberately I’m sure) mentioned in passing that the main character I’d been reading about had dark skin. “Wait,” I thought “he’s black?” Because my mental image was a white guy – that was my default  image of a person. I still fall into this trap if I’m not careful. It pushes anybody not white into the category of “outsider” when “white” is the default “normal”.

But, for the sake of argument, let’s say you really are totally color blind. Know what? That’s not a good thing, because others aren’t, whether intentionally or not. Skin color, country of origin, ethnicity, all these matter a lot to lots of other people. It’s not just about you. For one thing, being a BIPOC is really important to many BIPOC. It’s intimately connected to who they are: their heritage, culture, family and identity. When you say you are color blind, you are denying them their identity.

Furthermore, when you say you are color blind, you are also blind to the ways others discriminate against BIPOC and the ways that BIPOC are under represented. You don’t notice that your knit group only has white people, when your city has diverse populations of peope. You don’t see how the pattern books you buy only have white models and white designers. Not only does this mean that BIPOC crafters don’t see themselves in depictions of crafters,  it means BIPOC aren’t getting the same employment opportunities in the craft industry.

In some cases, this lack of diversity is oversight – groups and companies who haven’t thought about it, haven’t noticed it. But much as it might be painful to realize, there are also people in our community who like it this way – they are racist and they don’t want to see people who look different from them in their craft groups, and don’t want to see them on the pages of their pattern books and magazines. When you say you are color blind, you don’t see who these people are either.

Next up: “The author/I didn’t mean it like that.”

In many cases, BIPOC understand when they call out something a white person said, did, or wrote that the perpetrator did not understand the implications of their actions. They know many of us aren’t trying to be racist. But, while in some cases intent may be a mitigating factor, it doesn’t excuse or eliminate wrong doing. There is a reason, for example, that criminal law has “criminal neglect” and “manslaughter”. The law recognizes that there wasn’t intent to do harm, but neither did the offender take reasonable precautions against doing harm. We have a responsibility to think before we speak or act, and it’s getting harder and harder to claim ignorance of all the seemingly little ways (which add up big time) that words and actions contribute to discrimination, exclusion, and harm.

Even with all the resources and access to materials to learn from, we are still all vulnerable to making mistakes. Thus, we have a responsibilty to accept and take seriously feedback and criticism. If that’s not what you meant to say, what might be a better way to say it? What did you mean to say?

Consider it a gift when somebody takes the time and makes themselves vulnerable enough to tell you that you hurt them. Have you ever had to tell somebody that when they talked about a particular subject, you found it really hard because it touched you personally in ways they didn’t realize? Or maybe you couldn’t tell them, because it was too hard and you were afraid of what they would think of you after? Think about that experience when somebody tells you that something you said or did was insensitive. Imagine how hard that may have been for them and believe what they say.

Lastly, when we jump to anothers’ defense or defend ourselves with “well, that’s not what I/they meant”, we’re providing cover for those people who did mean it like that. Again, racists and bigots exist in our community and we need to make sure we aren’t providing them with comfy hiding spots and alibis.

Finally, “Why can’t we all just [insert craft here]?”

Think over that question again. Who is part of your “we”? What, to you, does crafting entail? Because BIPOC are telling us that they can’t just do their thing. They are constantly navigating land mines that range from thoughtlessness to deliberate racism and discrimination. So no, we can’t all just get on with knitting, crocheting, and the like. Not if we really mean “all” because an awful lot of people are being left out and it really does matter.  How much have you learned from your fellow crafters? Have you ever gotten an idea for a cool pattern, had somebody help you fix a mistake, or guide you through a tricky part of a pattern? Found in your craft group a place to go that felt safe or that gave you a chance to catch your breathe from a crisis in your life?

Not everybody in our community has those things. They don’t feel safe, they aren’t getting the same support, they feel excluded. And we need to be a part of changing that.

So what’s next?

If you haven’t already, start learning more about the ways that racism shows itself in the fiber community and elsewhere. Don’t assume every BIPOC in your life wants to be a resource for you. Read things which have already been written by BIPOC – there’s a lot out there – whether specific to fiber crafts or life in general. If you are on Ravelry, this (now locked) thread has links to the blog posts and Instagram posts which kicked off the current conversation.* It’s one place to start.

If you are looking for new sources of inspiration (blogs, patterns, etc…) make a deliberate effort to find those by or working with BIPOC.  Here’s one list you can start with, but more lists are becoming visible as well through various channels. Keep your eyes open and start noticing who is in the photos in the magazines and books you look through. Don’t support stores and businesses that discrimitate. Yes, this could mean leaving behind a favorite store. It’s a sacrifice worth making. Support those that promote inclusiveness instead.

Be thoughtful. Before you write something referencing BIPOC, other cultures, etc… think about how it might be seen through the lense of their life experiences. I’ve always had a bit of trouble with the maxim “treat others as you would like to be treated” because it assumes that others always want the same thing I want. I prefer (the slightly less pithy) “treat others as you believe they would like to be treated, to the best of your knowledge,” which works best if you’re always seeking to expand your knowledge.

Think about your craft groups. When working to expand membership, think about how you can reach out to the more diverse communities around you. Make sure you welcome BIPOC when they join. Make it clear that discrimination and those who engage in it are not welcome.

Do what you can. The more power and influence you have in your community, the greater your responsibility, but everybody shares a portion of that responsibility.

*Just because somebody wrote something in the past does not mean that they want to be a champion every day for the rest of their lives. Accept what they have already generously given but remember you are not entitled to anything from them.

Note: Much of what I’ve said here applies to many other minorities and under represented groups in the fiber craft community. However, there are distinct nuances in the discrimination faced by different groups, and the current discussion has been around highlighting those of BIPOC, which is why I made BIPOC the focus of this post.