We aren’t innocent
Well, we’ve done it again. Another white woman has posted a poorly thought out video decrying the bullying of BIPOC (black indigenous people of color) people, how they have divided the community and destroyed the careers and lives of innocent white folks, and basically demonstrating she doesn’t get it. Based on the responses to the video, she isn’t alone. People are asserting that they are now afraid to speak, that BIPOC don’t want white people to be able to create and design anymore, etc…
So my posts here is to try to help out those also feeling like their community is fractured, but also maybe feeling a bit unsure about how this has happened, aren’t entirely comfortable with how people are blaming BIPOC, but can’t put into words why their arguments seem off.
To start with the divisions in our community: it’s been fractured for a really long time, like, forever. What’s changed is that BIPOC and their allies are keeping a spotlight on the fracture lines, and not letting people pretend they aren’t there anymore. If you think BIPOC have fractured the community, you are blaming the messenger. White people created those divisions a long time ago when we built our modern society on racism. For those of us who don’t want to be racist, we’ve just been pretending that’s all in the past while ignoring the evidence around us that plenty of white people are happily actively perpetuating racism, and that this means we are passively continuing it as well.
A quick note before I dive further into this: there are a lot of marginalized groups in the fiber community working hard to increase awareness, and improve conditions, from the LGBTQ+ community fighting bigotry to plus-size and fat* people working with designers to increase the sizes available in patterns. Many of these communities intersect. Being BIPOC doesn’t excuse bigotry and fatphobia, and being gay doesn’t excuse racism. But only one group has been systematically exploited for the purpose of building entire countries and economies through seizing lands and enslavement: BIPOC. And this does create a unique impact on our current society. White supremacy is deeply embedded in Western cultures.
So… to take a look at some of the charges being brought against BIPOC speaking out.
First, those they are calling out are not innocent. In some cases they may be innocent of premeditated malice. But when the thoughtlessness of their words and actions was pointed out, instead of taking the feedback to heart they dug in. Over and over white people call for “civility” in the community, but miss that their definition of civility is one sided and biased. Nobody should threaten physical harm or encourage violence against another, but from what I have seen** BIPOC are providing thoughtful criticism and asking “why?”, not doxing or threatening. Only in the most blatant examples of racism are they reporting accounts and posts to Instagram or other social media platforms, and the platforms rarely take action. In contrast, white people are extremely quick to report content that criticizes white society as a whole, and insult and threaten BIPOC people. We call on BIPOC to silently forgive our transgressions while piling on when we don’t like that they refuse to turn off the light they are shining on our mistakes. That’s not innocence.
In other cases, the transgressor clearly fully intended their racism (disguised as a call to return to civility, heal the rifts, etc…). When I see somebody gain followers who state they were inspired to follow somebody because they are “melting the snowflakes” or they think it’s really funny to watch people get upset, and that person doesn’t shut down those followers, that tells me they are perfectly fine with the hurt they are causing.
Are BIPOC bullying people? No, they aren’t. First, a bully takes advantage of a power imbalance. BIPOC are starting from a place of disadvantage and they aren’t “picking on” people with less power than them. The examples of white people being called out for racist behavior (premeditated or misguided) which have garnered significant attention are all people who have power in the community – thousands or tens of thousands of followers. Rather, the sense that somebody is the victim of bullying comes from the shock that behavior previously tolerated isn’t being tolerated anymore. Yeah, that can take some adjusting, but those who have been called out and seen the greatest fervor have not responded gracefully.
The first time an English teacher called me out for dominating the conversation during a group activity and told me to let others speak, I was shocked and a little miffed. “Hey!” I thought “I read this more carefully, and I care more than them, of course I’m talking more.” But the teacher was right. And because I had some trust in the teacher as somebody with more knowledge than me, I listened instead of arguing then and there, and came to the next class ready to try better (I still suck at shutting up when I get enthusiastic about something and I’m still working on it). So – we need to trust BIPOC (or any marginalized group giving feedback) as a better authority on discrimination than ourselves.
“But”, some people are saying “if I respond and apologize it’s not enough, and if I try to stay quiet I get punished for that too.” The people who have really caused the most “controversy” (ah, such a lovely way of saying “everybody is a little wrong aren’t they?”) are those that shut down comments not to stop racist comments, but to stop people calling out the racism in the comments. They didn’t show they understood what they were apologizing for, or claimed they had nothing to apologize for. And yet, these are being used as proof that “white people can’t win”. And this is particularly toxic, because it creates a false fear that white people are being silenced. We aren’t. I don’t feel afraid to speak. I am trying to be more thoughtful before I do speak to make sure I’m not being thoughtless, not accidentally saying something that causes harm. Remember I said the notion of “civility” seemed pretty one sided? Perhaps we should thank BIPOC for holding us to a higher standard of civility than before.
Nor is anybody calling for white designers to quit and leave it all to BIPOC. If somebody notes (for example) that they are happy to see so many more black models on Ravelry photos, but the designers are still mostly white, they aren’t saying white designers need to get out, but that there still aren’t enough BIPOC designers getting full recognition. When BIPOC and their allies say “we aren’t there yet”, this is not the same thing as saying specific individuals aren’t doing what they can. Yet, some white people are quick to conflate these as proof that we are being discriminated against. White people are not the victims here.
So, think before you speak or act, but do not let the fearmongering of fellow whites mislead you. And if called out for a mistake, thank the person, apologize and let them know that even if you don’t quite get it yet, that you are going to go educate yourself, learn, and change your behavior to demonstrate that you did learn.
A short list of things that aren’t cool:
- telling somebody they aren’t allowed to be angry or upset
- insisting they can’t be hurt if you didn’t mean for them to be hurt
- expecting the person who called out your mistakes to fully educate you – this is your responsibility (if we were dance partners and I kept stepping on your toes, you would think it unreasonable if I insisted you now had to teach me how to dance better)
- trying to profit off of the conversations going on via “cute” (hint: they aren’t) names for patterns, yarn, etc… using hot button phrases (think “unsafe space” or “white privilege”)
- trying to “own” conversations outside your own space
- allowing racism and bigotry to continue in your comments channels and spaces unchecked but denying responsibility because you didn’t say it
- using an example of a time you did something good for a BIPOC person as proof that you aren’t racist and could never do something racist.
*fat is a descriptor of size, and many in the community prefer using this straightforward term over using euphemisms (think “big boned”) that reinforce the notion that fat is a moral judgement.
**I am sure somebody can identify a counter example somewhere, but these cannot possible compare in degree to the threats either in number or overall severity issued by white people.