A little over a month ago, my husband and I learned that one of my family members has a terminal cancer diagnosis. As we don’t live nearby and due to Covid can’t even visit (literally probably can’t get there – definitely can’t in any helpful way thanks to quarantine rules), we can’t do much in the day to day such as assisting her in getting to appointments, helping around the house, etc… Luckily, she does have great friends around helping with these things.
However, while speaking with her she mentioned she’s been wearing the socks I made a couple years ago to all her early morning appointments in the cold and how great they are. I’ve made her several things over the years, but I think the socks have been the biggest hit. My husband and I sat down at the computer the same afternoon I got the news and started looking at yarns. We definitely prioritized aesthetics and softness over hard wearing – they aren’t going to get the walking and hiking abuse our socks do. If you hadn’t guessed already, this is the yarn I was so frustrated got torn out of the package and lost and the socks I worked so hard to finish up in just a couple weeks.
Now, my family member has been very adamant that she doesn’t want lots of care packages, but I needed an address on the best place to send mine. The day after I finished the socks, I assured her that I wasn’t trying to send throat lozenges, flowers, chocolates, or other food products. At the same time she was listing all the things she doesn’t need, she threw in that she’s “pretty much living in the socks” and that they are her “absolute favorites,” and I said she really did want this package. So pretty please, give me an address?
Several days… nothing. Finally, I sent a photo of the socks* with a caption asking where to send them. That did the trick – so last Saturday I was able to pack up the finished and washed socks and mail them off. I’ve also been informed that “I’m wearing your socks almost nonstop! I think they might be my all-time favorite socks in my entire life!” so now the new pair knows what they’re competing against. I’ve been assured that the first pair with graciously accept new socks into the household.
I have to admit – it was really hard. I’m always pretty careful when writing out addresses to ship things out, but I triple and quadruple checked this one. And you can bet I opted for “pay extra to return to sender if delivery fails”. Then I anxiously monitored the tracking, with a few nail biting days while it went nowhere. I was relieved when I had confirmation they’d been safely delivered. Knowing you’re sending off what’s likely to be the last gift you make for somebody is really hard. I’ve made final gifts before, but most often I didn’t know it at the time. She’s somebody who has meant a lot in my life, in different ways over the years from role-model when I was younger of what women can grow up to be, to somebody I could speak frankly with as an adult.
I know people have various opinions on what, emotionally, is captured in your knitting. Prayer shawls are meant to capture the prayers and thoughts of the maker for the receiver, but others would rather think that the object doesn’t capture the emotions of making because who wants to accidentally knit up the frustration and swearing of a difficult yarn or pattern?
I’m more with the former – I really hope that the care, lover, and admiration I feel for the recipient is captured at least a little bit. And that if I do have a moment of anger or frustration, that I’m sending that away from the knitting rather than into it so that the stitches only absorb the good. I’d like to think that the socks I made her previously are her favorites not only because handknit socks are awesome, and made to fit, but also just a little bit in part because they are giving out good energy each time she wears them – something no store bought socks have.
*it was a black and white photo – don’t want to spoil the surprise entirely